Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Self Image

When I was twelve Kathryn Flyger once said
“Get out of the way tubby”
I always knew I was fat
But this was the moment I realised other people thought I was too
Looking back on it I think she had a crush on me
Because on the last day of school she gave me her phone number
And told me to call her
I’m glad I didn’t though, because she is pretty white trash now.
I then went to high school
Where I saw “cool people”
I realised I needed to change the way I looked
So I started wearing brand clothes
And me wearing branded clothes
Is like a farmer wearing a suit
It just doesn’t quite work
In PE class I was lumped in with the fat kids
Because I was a fat kid
I grew my hair long because I thought it made my head look less round
I tried to hide my legs
Which I thought were behemoth
By wearing baggy jeans
I did the same with t shirts to hide my developing breasts
I now realise these just made me look huge
I tried to never look down
Because I got a double chin whenever I did
And when you had a double chin
The kids at school made sure you knew you had a double chin
I did a lot of sport and exercise in the first few years of high school
But I never really lost weight
Then I got a job
...At a lolly factory
...Where I could as much as I wanted
I stopped exercising as much because I was working
And my weight ballooned
And I knew this
So I ate more
And just wore baggier clothes to compensate
The kids at school made sure I knew my weight was ballooning
They all started getting laid
I didn’t go to the parties where people met
Because I wasn’t really invited
Then I went overseas for a year
And got a little bit bigger
But I cut my hair
But still didn’t get laid
When I came back I think everyone had got laid
So I pretended I did when I was overseas
I started going to parties
But I didn’t really know how to talk to girls
And why would they fuck me
When everyone else was more attractive
Way more attractive
I joined a band
And fell in love
But she didn’t love me
But she did say my hair looked cool
I then got drunk lots
And tried kissing some girls
But usually they didn’t want to kiss me back
Or I didn’t know how to kiss or something
Then I got diagnosed with depression
Then I started writing
And I grew a beard
Then I nearly fell in love
Then I got laid
And then I got laid again
Then there was a long time when I didn’t get laid
And I am still in that time
But I have started exercising again
And wear clothes that fit me better
And sometimes I look in the mirror
And my hair looks nice
And my beard looks nice
And I’m wearing nice clothes
And even though I know that other people might not think so
But I think
I’m a handsome motherfucker

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