Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I read Zachary German today

The dairy has coke advertising all over it. I walk in. I pick up a coke from the fridge. I think "coke is unethical." I decide I shouldn't buy coke. I put the coke back and pick up a golden circle drink. I am unsure of the ethics of golden circle. I decide not to buy the golden circle drink. I leave the dairy. I think "does the shopkeeper think I am shoplifting?" I think "I should support the dairy." I think "it would be a waste to walk to the dairy without buying anything." I walk back into the dairy. I pick up a dollar mix. I think "I should not eat gelatine." I put down the dollar mix. I go to the counter. I pick up a small bag of cashew nuts. I pay $3 to the shopkeeper. I leave the dairy. I eat the cashews. I think “It does not matter what I buy because whoever gets the money will spend it stupidly.” I walk home.

I sit on the couch and pick up a book. I read two pages of the book. I put it down. I try to remember what the two pages said. I cannot remember. I try to remember what I was thinking when reading the two pages. I cannot remember. I open up my laptop. I log onto facebook. I wait for someone to chat to me. No one chats to me. I say “Hi” to Chloe. She says “Hi” to me. I say “How are you?” She says “Good.” I say “ok.” We do not chat anymore. I close my eyes. I put one of my fingers into my eye and push hard. I see colours. I open my eyes. I think “that was ok.” I look at my computer. I have one new notification. Michael liked my status. I look at my status. I think “that was stupid.” I delete my status. I close my laptop. I look at my t shirt. I think “this is my favourite t shirt.” I think “this t shirt sucks.” I grab two parts of my t shirt and pull. The t shirt does not rip. I think “this is a very well made t shirt.” I take off my t shirt. I walk to the kitchen. I pick up a pair of scissors. I think “this is stupid.” I put down the scissors. I look at my body. I think “I would wear a t shirt less if I were less fat.” I see my breasts are smaller than I remember. I feel a little happy. I put my t shirt on. I open my laptop. I play freecell.

I go to my bedroom. I pick up a shoe and through it at the wall. It hits the wall. It makes a sound. It falls to the floor. I think “that was anticlimactic.” I am happy it was anti climactic. I think “if that was climactic this would be a bad story.” I walk to my light switch. It is a string hanging from the roof. I put the string around my neck. I pull tight. I cannot breathe. I hold the string tight. I feel light headed. I let go of the string. I fall to the ground. I shake my head. I think “that was stupid.” I think “I should really talk to someone about this.” I go to my laptop. I go to facebook. My sister is on facebook chat. I write “hello.” She writes “hello.” I write “Is dad awake?” She writes “It is midnight.” I close my laptop. I walk to my room. I walk back to the lounge. I open my laptop. I write “can you wake him up for me?” She writes “ok.” I close my laptop. I go outside and yell. I see my neighbours’ light turn on. I walk back inside. I open my laptop. My sister writes “Dad is awake.” My sister writes “why do you keep going offline?” I write “the internet keeps cutting out.” I write “no that’s a lie, I keep closing my laptop.” I don’t send it. I highlight the text and delete it. My sister writes “were you typing something?” I write “no.” I write “can you get dad to pick me up please?” She writes “he will be there in five minutes.”

My dad knocks on the door. I answer the door. I have my jacket and cellphone and keys. We sit in his car. He says “What’s up?” I tell him about the dairy. He says “Is there anything else?” I tell him about the t shirt. He says “It looks like you are upset.” I tell him about the light switch. He says “Should I take you to hospital?” I say “No I just want to sleep.” We drive to my dad’s house.