I might have a go at being a hermit. I’ll stop going out, stop meeting with friends. Go to uni, do my work. Come home watch TV, read books, listen to music, play computer games. Do stuff that doesn’t involve social situations. Try and find happiness by myself rather than trying to get other people to provide it for me.
I don’t think this will solve any problems. It just means I won’t be making any new ones. I also won’t have to subject myself to the world. I won’t be able to hurt people and take my anger out on them I get pissed off at the world and decide that its one persons fault. I confront them, it never works because it’s not their fault. I make shit out of nothing. I get angry for no reason. I am a cunt to other people.
If I leave people alone maybe I can work on that. I can try to find out what’s wrong with me rather than blaming what’s wrong on the world and people around me.
I miss deep thinking sessions spawned by unemployment. I would think about shit for hours not come to any conclusions and be incredibly unhappy. Now I think about shit for 10 minutes and get angry. Why am I constantly angry? I’m pretty sure I consciously made that decision some time ago and I can’t remember why anymore.